Done

I am officially done with PA school at Augsburg College!

Thanks for all the prayers!

Love, Kristie

The Lord's Mercy Remembered: Isaiah 63:7

I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord,the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us,and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love.

He Giveth More Grace – Annie Flint – James 4:6

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done;
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing,
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure;
His power no boundary known unto men.
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Now or Never

Well, I had my official moment of "I don't have enough time left!". But, now that that is over and the truth of that statement has sunk-in we just move more towards prayer :)

So, if you read this, please pray for me and my 22 other classmates as we take our exams the next 2 days (Tuesday & Wednesday!). We have all worked very hard over the past 3 years and nobody wants to go down in flames! You can pray after the test too when the profs are grading them...that they wouldn't be in a crabby mood. Our saving grace is they keep telling us they don't want to see us around anymore so they WANT us to pass and GRADUATE!

Graduate?! I can't believe it, and yet it seems so incredibly natural because God has just carried things one day at a time for three years. But, I do plan on celebrating, so if anyone is up for drinks in the next week you just let me know :)

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Bless the lord, oh my soul, and all that is in within me bless His holy name.
Bless the lord, oh my soul, and forget not one of His benefits:
He forgive all your sins.
He heals you from all your diseases.
He restores your life from the pit and crowns you with mercy and loving-kindness.
He satisfies your desires with good things that your youth shall be renewed like the eagles....

(skipping some verses here)

As high as the heavens are above the earth so GREAT is His lovingkindness towards us. As far as the east is from the west so FAR has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a Father has compassion on his children so does our Father have compassion on us. For He himself knows our frames and He is mindful that we are but dust...

But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting towards those who fear Him.

....and lastly,

In Christ alone, my hope is found; He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest trial and storm. What heights of love! What depths of peace! When fears are stilled and strivings cease! My Comforter, my all in all, here in the LOVE of Christ I stand.


Thanks in advance for interceding on my behalf!

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

I am supposed to be studying right now, but sometimes when I look too long at the computer (taking online tests, reading notes, researching a topic, quizzing, making charts, etc.) I notice that my vision gets blurry and I get red eyes. Gross.

So I will make a list of what I need to study for tomorrow:
- EKGs, EKGs, EKGs,
- Chest xrays/radiographs
- medicine list with generic and trade names
- dermatology slides
- treatment algorithms for cardiac arrest and other cardiac emergencies
- causes and treatments of arrhythmias
- asthma guidelines
- patient education lists
- physical exams in general
- a few more practice tests if possible
- review surgical tool recognition again
- review lab values one more time (especially iron studies and liver function test normal ranges)
- ummm, I am sure this is more :)

Oh yeah, the Bible.

Let me tell you. I would be lost without the Word of God to encourage and nourish my soul when I rise and lay down. I am reading a slightly dry portion of Isaiah right now, but it never ceases to amaze me how God always using some particular verse at some point to speak to me. Somedays if I did not have the Word to fall back on amidst this chaotic/challenging/crazy season of life I would have given up or been even more crabby then I sometimes can be. "It if were not for His grace...." really should mark our thoughts and heart attitudes.

Isn't it nice to know we can just go to sleep in His care? I read this quote once in Elisabeth Elliot's book "keeping a quiet heart" (btw, all time favorite and challenging book!).

"God charges His angels over those who are sleeping; but He himself keeps watch over the sleepless one."

I don't say that to say it's a good thing to stay up worrying or crying or what have you; I am just saying that God is our Great Comforter - oh the pun there is too good!

So, may you rest in His loving care having had your soul calmed and cared for by His Word.

5 - depending if you count today

Five more days until Augsburg exams are done.

Eight more days until graduation.

Twenty-one more days until national boards.

wow.

oh yah

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God; and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Freak out time

Okay, I am not freaking-out about school - now that's a miracle!

I read Becca Pateneude's posting about technology updates in their house and I literally started to feel this pit of anxiety rise up in my stomach. I don't really remember how to function in the non-school world. I don't have a lot of interests outside that which makes life functional, and I have sort of morphed into an intense person. I don't know anything about technology or baking organic bread or knitting. My idea of a manageable transition back to non-school life was growing a small herb garden!

What if I can't relax? Is it okay to relax?

What's my new purpose? Where's my new purpose? Does it really matter? I think it matters to a person like me. What if I can't adjust? I will drive my friends nuts.

Will I be lonely without studying to occupy my mind and heart?

What do I like to do for fun? How do you find balance between taking life seriously, not wanting to waste a minute of it, and realizing we are just passing through?

I used to make Caleb tell me all the things I could do or would enjoy on the weekend when I was done with school because I would sort of panic at the idea of not knowing what to do with myself.

My oh my.

"Now, now..." someone would say to me.

Okay. Time to stop the thought-train here. It's time to leave the library and just trust the Lord because I really don't like change that much.

It's just another turn of the page in the book of life. We only get one day at a time, right? Praise the Lord!

foot in mouth

I just have to say that almost everytime I post something about what God has been teaching me, or at least puts on my heart to say outloud, it ALMOST ALWAYS comes around to bite me later. If I write about staying focused then I get distracted with the world. If I write about treasuring Christ above all things, then something usually happens that reveals an area where I am not treasuring Christ. If I write about fully obeying the Lord I no doubt will struggle shortly with something in regards to obedience. If I write about exercising spiritual muscles of faith God usually reveals in me areas where I am not exercising faith. If I write about contentment I usually really start to miss Caleb. Do you get the pattern here? Grrrr.

I think I have to be more careful about what I write. Or, I just want to remind everyone that we all have revelations, great thoughts, heart-change moments, but we are all incredibly in need of the Lord. It is a continual journey, and it is not for the faint-of-heart. May God grant the grace to not be discouraged, but rather encouraged with His continual refinement in our lives.

I leave you with some lyrics of a song that encourages me right now.
--------------------------------------------------
Blessed is the one whose sins are overcome; Whom God has sheltered deep within His grace.
Blessed is the one who trusts in God the Son; His steadfast love the sinners hiding place.

Jesus, your blood covers all my sins.
Jesus, your love draws my heart to sing "What a savior, Jesus!"

I will always hide at my Savior's side. I find my refuge in His sovereign care.
When the waters rise God will hear my cries. His steadfast love will hold me safely there.

The Unseen

So I studied with Leah Lapine today at the Augsburg Libary today (since we are in the same program, in different years). At the very end she was packing up and I noticed a "cheat sheet" with algorithms and flow-sheets, and pneumonics, and other study aids she was using for her studying. I looked a little closer and recognized the format - I had typed all of that 1-2 years ago while studying for school! Do not get me wrong here - I had put it on a public Augsburg folder for other people to use and be helped by. I had just COMPLETELY forgotten about all the files I had made available to others.

It was really weird to see other people using your work though. In school, sometimes people are really private with their work and tips/trick sheets in learning. I don't know exactly why. Well, I guess I know why. It's hard to watch others benefit from your hard work in developing and organizing the massive amount of material. It's because we are selfish and we want to promote ourselves and get credit for our own work. We will do anything to be the best and make sure that happens...sort of. However, during PA school God really just put it on my heart to share my work with others to help them do better in order to bring Him glory and practice selflessness and kindness. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with doing your best and developing a work ethic that honors the Lord as you work unto the Lord. But, sharing really helps kill my fleshly craving to "be the best" and stand above my peers in order to get affirmation or admiration - aka: PRIDE.

So, two years later Ms. Lapine is benefiting from the time God had me put into my education. It just goes to show that sometimes we don't know why we do what God convicts us to do, and often we don't see the benefits. But, tonight, I saw Leah's face light up as she said, "Oh, I love these worksheets; they help me stay organized!" Tonight it's worth it to share and watch others be blessed and less stressed in their experience of graduate school. Sometimes, I do wish it benefited me more (in a completely carnal, earthly successful sort of way!). But, God is teaching me that His ways are not my ways; and if my work helps others learn and bless patients, than that is okay. It's all about dying to "self" :)

Loves of my life!

Amidst all the chaos of life there is one constant thing - these crazy kids just keep on growing! Isaiah, Faith, and Peter "pebo" continue to surprise me with their love, intelligence, cuteness, loud voices, and silliness!

A girl can't always have a man, but the love of a little one can really fill up that "love tank" pretty good too. Here's to being an aunt and sister of the busy Nash family!

Christmas 2008 - 3 little monkeys

Faithy and Auntie Fidder at Grammie's Bday - Feb 2009

Isaiah finding the Easter eggs 2009

Pebo-cito Christmas 2008


Faith blowing bubbles - Easter 2009


Isaiah at Pebo's dedication - 2009


My handsome Peter "Pebo" - Easter 2009


The Nash babies Easter 2009

(Isaiah 4.5 - Peter 10mo - Faith almost 3)

The Diva herself! Easter 2009

She is learning to hug still! Winter 2009

God knows!

I had another interview today with the HCMC East Clinic (#3). This whole interview, job search, graduate, study, figure out life combination can be a little overwhelming - mostly because there are a lot of pieces that need to come together. I was stressin' over this HCMC visit today because rumor had it they would most likely make an offer, and then I would have to decide within the next 1-2 weeks. The problem was that i haven't interviewed at my other sites yet and some personal business is sort of left undone right now. I have just been praying for wisdom for all this decision stuff because I sure don't know what to do sometimes :)

Anyhoo, God was kind. The people said they were interviewing another candidate and wouldn't be making offers for at least 2-3 weeks. Phew! I know that I should be somewhat concerned that there is another candidate, but I'm not. Now God has given me time to finish interviewing a few more places, graduate, and sort some things out before I even get to know if they will make an offer! Yes! He knew I needed that. Even better, I can work at Fat Lorenzo's as long as I need to in the meantime while things get in order. God gently reminded me today that He knows that I don't know what in the heck I am doing. Hopefully, I will remember that in a few days when I start to get anxious again about all these unknowns in life. Someone remind me :)

Oh my poor brain!

My brain is tired, and it is Monday, noon. This is not good. I am trying to review material, take practice tests, and then learn from my mistakes. I think the most energy goes into learning from your mistakes and then memorizing them for the next time. Wait, there might be some great life parallel in that - but I can't think about it since my brain is stuck.

If you would like to pray a prayer for my brain I would advise the following:

"Oh, Lord, grant Kristie an organized and alert brain. Help her to focus on her studies, and be able to retain the information. Help her to not get stuck in the pointless details, even if she loses points on them. Help her to know what really matters, and help her to let go of what doesn't in the end. Help her to know the difference."

It is just amazing to me how the same things in life can "trip you up", so to say. I am a perfectionist, I work hard, I will give my all to something if it is possible, and you will generally get an intense Kristie in something. I think that is a good thing, but as I told my dad yesterday, sometimes our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses. There is a part of me wishes that I could just generally be okay with mediocracy, the good enough, and be able to say "it's not worth it" to somethings. I don't know whether it is just how God made me, incredibly passionate and unable to accept the things that grate against the deepest parts of me, or if there is some giant character flaw in there. I am sure it's a mixture of both because sometimes it just KILLS me to relax a bit (on multiple levels and about multiple topics), but it also just KILLS me sometimes when I stop and wonder if I am taking things too seriously. I suppose it depends on the issue.

All that to say, and it is really not related to the original post, is sometimes I wear myself out. Sometimes I need help to step back and just pray for Holy Spirit eyes in things, even in my studies. Thank goodness we have a sovereign Jesus who sustains us, and who accepts us exactly as we are, no matter how well we score on a test, whether we ever get married, or whether or not we understand ourselves.

Food for One!

My dearly hilarious friend Hannah Brandes just posted a lovely entry about the challenges of wasting food because as single peeps it's hard to eat things fast enough, or at least to plan for one person-sized meals without polluting the planet with extra plastic. So, i thought I would share the few lame attempts I have at this! If anyone has better or easy ideas please comment!!!

1. Keep your bread in the fridge, not on the counter. I go through like 1.5 loaves a month maybe?!

2. When you buy fresh/raw chicken breasts go home and individually freeze them for later use one or two at a time. There is a TON of salt in the 10-pack frozen chicken packages.

3. THIS IS MY MOST FREQUENTLY USED TRICK - When you make a dinner freeze half of it for later, or make a meal and divide it into separate containers and then freeze it!

4. Eggs...hmmmm, buy the 6 pack ones.

5. Veggies, those are really hard, but I think it is better to have them in the house and waste 59 cents on a cucumber than to not have it and NEVER eat veggies. Obviously, carrots are an easy one.

6. Milk, bananas, cheese (!!!!) - My only suggestion is asking your roommate to sort of trade on/off for buying things like that so you can just eat/drink each others and then sort of take turns buying it! That's what my parents and I do with those sort of items. We love cheese so buy a lot of that - never goes to waste!

8. I think the hardest, but most helpful, thing to do is when you shop plan on buying things you plan on eating – AKA: make a menu. You only have to plan a few meals for a week, maybe even one…but that way you will use the food you have and buy the food you need. If you need potatoes, buy individual spuds, and then PLAN on integrating potatoes into two meals in a week. When I make cousous I plan on eating it with like THREE things that week, or just as my snack…and then it doesn’t go bad!

So, it takes some a combination of creativity, willingness to plan ahead a bit, and willingness to just eat lame meals sometimes :)

Rock on single people -at least we aren't being eaten out of house and home. AND, no one is stealing our favorite foods and leftovers :)

Short

I promise I will write a short one next - oops! It seems short in my own brain :)

I just finished a 12-week biblestudy at Bethlehem Baptist called "Seeking Him". The book we used often had inspiring or challenging quotations that would cause my mind to spin for days. As I finished this series on personal revival this last one really impacted me as I looked into my own heart and observed the lives of those around me.

"She who lives with little prayer - she who seldom reads the Word - she who seldom looks up to heaven for a fresh influence from on high - she will be the woman whose heart will become cold and barren." C.H. Spurgeon.

Wow! What a warning Spurgeon give us Christians. What struck me more was the fact that when your heart is cold and barren often times you don't even realize how numb you are to God. You have no affection for Him, you don't realize you are missing Him, and it doesn't even cross your mind to care. People, this is TRUE - I have lived it!

It is no wonder that people live less than the dynamic, Holy-Spirit filled, and fruitful life God intended us to live (myself included here!). There is no "penalty" for living a dry Christian life and it may be rather convenient for your/my lifestyle. But, what gets me is that if in heaven the whole purpose is to be completely satisfied in Christ and full of His love and glory, then if you don't want that on earth NOW, why do you think you will want it later in heaven? I don't know if I am saying it right, but it just struck me that if the benefits of knowing Christ are not your chief goal while walking on Earth then why would you want to be in heaven when that's what we will be doing for all eternity? Is salvation really just a ticket?

Now, now, I realize that we have other goals in life, relational things, responsibilities, other happiness, etc., and there are plenty of days when I am NOT satisfied with Christ alone. But, I do know in my heart that the goal is to desire and experience as much of Christ now while on earth. I have to ask myself, "Kristie, why would you not seek Him, be in His Word, keep your mind on heavenly things, and pray, pray, pray if He is truly the most blessed thing for you? Do you know how close your heart comes from becoming cold and barren? Do you even realize it?"

Do you realize it?

Personally, I realize it most when I look back at the subtle things: my conscience is dulled against unholy living, or in skipping morning or evening devos to get sleep, worrying instead of praying, looking for earthly things to satisfy my restlessness, etc. Maybe it is not even being bothered if you perpetually skip church on sunday to sleep in, or you find yourself annoyed by your fired-up christian friends, or realizing you haven't had alone time with Jesus in over a week or month, maybe your attitude starts to sour or your language becomes harsh or vulgar, or maybe you skip your accountability time with others or make other priorities. I don't know.

I guess I just pray for a soft heart towards the Lord because I probably won't even realize when it is becoming a little too independent and my conscience is dulled. I pray for His grace to protect me from drifting towards worldliness. It is so amazing, really, that ultimately all we have to really do is ask Him to help us and for Him to give us a desire to have a warm heart full of Him. Thank goodness we have a Shepard to keep us in the fold, and that He promises that if we seek Him with all our hearts we will find Him.

Change is in the air

I haven't written in quite awhile. This is mostly because I had a viral sinus issue for 2 weeks, I finished up my last rotation ever last week, and since Friday night I have been in North Carolina visiting one of my best friends (and her husband). It has been quite busy. I have been studying like a crazy person for the past 6 weeks, and now I have moved on to Q&A books for review. I made a schedule for what I am supposed to study everyday from now until April 29th - which is my last Augsburg exam. I have yet to sign up for my National Board examination. First things first: graduate.

I have applied to numerous jobs but really only have two opportunities right now. One is a mostly Spanish-speaking job, and one is a little more relaxed in an endocrinology clinic. I really don't know what to do, for lots of reasons. There are hardly any, if not any, family practice jobs in the actual Twin Cities....so it's hard to pass up an opportunity. Oh, what a faith walk....do you wait for what you want, or do you take the job that is there? Lots of prayer, people, lots of prayer.

So, I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going.

Well, that's not true.

I am living each day doing what God has put in front of me to do. I study, I learn, I finish strong. But, I don't know what is ahead. Which, again according to Auntie Myrna, is the plight of all mankind. I guess what I "mean" by that is there are a lot of inevitable changes without foreseen outcomes. I am waiting for the pieces to fall into place. I can just feel the season of change inside of me though. There is a sense of adventure, wondering, wandering, and a lot of prayer. But, Lord, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I in the times of fear and anxiety. The temptation to sinfully worry, obsessive over, and feel anxious is right at the door. In these situations we have to have our guard up, right? We need to have the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, drawn and ready to attack/kill the temptations of the evil one. We have to abstain from what is evil and cling to what is good. We have to meditate on the Law, and His promises, and confess our wandering hearts. We take up our Shield of Faith and block the fiery darts of the evil one. We hide in the shelter of His wings. We take it seriously, we take sin seriously, we take God's Word seriously. To the outside world, and sadly probably even moreso to the larger Christian community, this will look like you are a fanatical/radical Christian. The radical ones are the Faithful who Fight! So, I pray God would grant me the grace to faithfully fight, that I may become more and more conformed to His image, covered in His peace, and devoted to His Word.