Anger

I confess, it was an angry morning. I was spent an hour trying to become un-angry with life, with God, with myself, with a few people...and after reading the verse "My grace is sufficient unto you. My power is made perfect in weakness" I just about lost it. The anger-meter went through the roof! I was DONE with it all. Done with sin, done with sinful responses to God's ways, done with feeling so much deep pain and discouragement. Sometimes His grace just doesn't seem "sufficient" to keep me from falling. Anger comes from the feeling that I am not perceiving, experiencing, or living under the kind of deep and rich and satisfying grace that springs you out of bed, inspires you to encourage a friend, helps you to carry your head high and smile, and earnestly protects your heart from speaking such wretched things against the Lord when you are angry.

My mom said the rest of my post wouldn't be very encouraging to non-believers, or believers, so to summarize in a more honoring way...i am prideful and resist God's direction. Plus, I lack belief in God's promises and the Truth that is in His word. I ride the emotional train quite frequently, and something God is trying to teach me is self-control of my thoughts and words. So, I apologize for being so negative. It is hard for me to know how to communicate sometimes. I want Victory, I want peace, I want happiness, I want laughter, I want blessings, I want to worship, I do NOT want to struggle and fight all the time the war within me. I guess my flesh does not want to LEARN (aka: go through the work) this lesson because it is extremely unpleasant.

So, the purpose of this was to let you know I struggle. I don't want to be an ugly woman on the inside. I want to be lovely. I want God to change my heart and make me lovely. I don't want to be mad at God, I want to be in LOVE with Him. I want to LOVE others. I need to obey God and have courage to embrace all that God has for me even when i can't see it or understand it. I need belief. But, for now, as Ruth Whipple said a bit ago, "Isn't nice to know that at SOME point you will be on the other side of this experience."