An extravagent giver?

Recently the Lord has been teaching me something. It hasn't come all at once, and in fact, I didn't really put the pieces together until just recently. I have a hard time receiving people's words towards me, invited or uninvited, when they aren't delivered in a way I like. I have become sensitive to that lately, and on more than one occasion, have felt frustration (anger) in those situations. There is this part of me that wants to defend myself, or justify not receiving people's words because it wasn't done nicely or gently. This is this other part of me that knows that it doesn't matter how another communicates with me and you still need to weigh their words. But you know, that's hard. It's hard because I am prideful and I don't like being told what to do. I must somewhere feel entitled to be treated a certain way by friends and acquaintences.

What the Holy Spirit is reminding me of lately is that, yes, you need to communicate through conflict. He is also teaching me that I need to lay down my pride and "rights" to have people treat me how I think I should be treated or communicated with. After all, what I really deserve is Christ's death, and what He really has given me is far better than I deserve. I don't always treat or communicate with God in a kind and gracious way. I don't always communicate with others in a kind and gracious way. Because of Christ though, I have the power to extend grace - something that is sometimes so contrary to my flesh! Because of Christ death and resurrection I have access to unending grace and infinite access to the power of the Holy Spirit to defeat the fleshly tendencies in me that don't reflect God's grace towards me.

As I struggle to realize this in my own heart, and I look at areas in my heart that are full of pride, I pray for more grace to be an extravagent giver of grace. What is so amazing that even on my "best day" of practicing fighting the pride in me by extending grace and humbling myself before others, that is only a droplet in the bucket of grace that God has extended to me. Praise God!