Oh so classic!!!!

Well folks, another "Kristie-ism" occurred today. It was my first day seeing patients all by myself at the family practice where I work. I had been shadowing for the past 2 weeks and was ready to start trying on my own. Well, turns out I didn't sleep too well the night before - classic. Then, I decided to pull together some stuff to bring at the last minute, which made me run behind - classic. Then I burnt my waffle in the waffle-maker since i was running around crazy - classic. I was carrying too many bags, wearing high-heels (they're Merrels - luv'em!), running down the sidewalk, which happens to be a slight decline....and all-of-a-sudden my R ankle gave out! My right ankle completely rolled to the ground and back up again - classic. I panicked, hands full of bags, not sure what to do! This CANNOT be happening on my first day seeing patients - only this would happen to me!

Would I have to cancel patients, walk around with crutches, be just fine? I grit my teeth and hobbled to the car - determined to not be late and just hope for the best. Oooh, it hurt so bad I just prayed in desperation "Lord, make it better!!!". I threw everything haphazardly into the front seat, and slumped into my seat, trying very hard not to move my right foot - which also happens to be the driving foot. By this time, I took my shoe off, grit my teeth again and tried driving. Let's just say putting on the brakes didn't feel too good. I made it to the freeway, calling caleb along the way. He apparently didn't realize, not to his fault, how much pain I was in because he kept talking about some project he was working on. When my responses turned to grimace-filled "uh huhs" he stopped and asked, "are you really in pain?". Yes! Oh, bless his heart :)

I made it to work with sharp pains going through my ankle, but really, at least it wasn't as bad as two years ago when my dad had to pick me up mid-running route and drive me home. I hobbled into the clinic, high-heeled Merrels and all, and saw my whopping 3 patients for the morning (they start you slow). I hobbled to my desk, worked awhile, and managed to drive relatively pain-free to david's bridal, Bethany Darlings, and meet with a lady at the Ramada about receptions in my classic non-stop pace. It wasn't until I took off my stockings and dress shoes that the morning's event really started to show it's color. Hmmm, I guess you could say it turned puffy and swollen. True to his prior bachelor status, Caleb had no ice packs in the freezer. So I wrapped my ankle in frozen broccoli and snapped peas. It now hurts more, is more swollen, and pressure on it is no good.

But, you know, for some reason the ankle did well today, and we can pray for great healing tomorrow. Oh, life's little adventures can really throw you into a negative spiral, or by God's grace He can help you laugh and offer encouragement through His spirit. Please pray that I would heal a little faster than the classic-Kristie pace, and that I would obediently ice, elevate, rest, and compress :) That will take a miracle!

Out of the Bag!

Well, I think it is safe to say it finally outloud on the internet....I apologize if this is your first exposure...I tried.

Caleb and I at the lake home the Big Night! My dad suspected something was "up", but deduced that Caleb was dressed too casual to be proposing....but dad thought he looked nervous when he picked me up on the way down. Ironically, I innocently teased caleb while pulling up to the lake home, "Caleb, your hands are sweaty, are you nervous or something?!"

Caleb's dad Galeb, Caleb, me, Mr/Mrs. Holland (short lady in front!), and Caleb's Mom Sara

What I thought seemed a little formal for "family dinner"! What a nerd - so clueless!

Again, it took me a minute to realize this was no "dinner with the parents and friends" event. I started to laugh once I finally clued-in!

This is me, too embarassed to kiss Caleb in front of his parents - still a little awkward with that one :) Oh well - he is trying to break me down :)

There are more pics with my family, but they are not on my computer yet - it's been busy!

I am the most blessed woman in the world - I am so excited to marry Caleb! What a guy, what a story, what a Savior!

"The Lord has done great things for Us, and we are filled with Joy!"

Psalm 126:9

An extravagent giver?

Recently the Lord has been teaching me something. It hasn't come all at once, and in fact, I didn't really put the pieces together until just recently. I have a hard time receiving people's words towards me, invited or uninvited, when they aren't delivered in a way I like. I have become sensitive to that lately, and on more than one occasion, have felt frustration (anger) in those situations. There is this part of me that wants to defend myself, or justify not receiving people's words because it wasn't done nicely or gently. This is this other part of me that knows that it doesn't matter how another communicates with me and you still need to weigh their words. But you know, that's hard. It's hard because I am prideful and I don't like being told what to do. I must somewhere feel entitled to be treated a certain way by friends and acquaintences.

What the Holy Spirit is reminding me of lately is that, yes, you need to communicate through conflict. He is also teaching me that I need to lay down my pride and "rights" to have people treat me how I think I should be treated or communicated with. After all, what I really deserve is Christ's death, and what He really has given me is far better than I deserve. I don't always treat or communicate with God in a kind and gracious way. I don't always communicate with others in a kind and gracious way. Because of Christ though, I have the power to extend grace - something that is sometimes so contrary to my flesh! Because of Christ death and resurrection I have access to unending grace and infinite access to the power of the Holy Spirit to defeat the fleshly tendencies in me that don't reflect God's grace towards me.

As I struggle to realize this in my own heart, and I look at areas in my heart that are full of pride, I pray for more grace to be an extravagent giver of grace. What is so amazing that even on my "best day" of practicing fighting the pride in me by extending grace and humbling myself before others, that is only a droplet in the bucket of grace that God has extended to me. Praise God!

Meet the Family?

Although it mostly just dangerous to advertise your personal life over the internet I feel comfortable and excited to say that Caleb and I are back together. We dated for nine months last year, had a 5 month hiatus (over which the last 10 weeks we had no communication), and are now officially & intentionally pursuing a relationship. Crazy! I remember telling my parents more than once that "It would just be a MIRACLE of God to get back together!" And, you know, it has been. It has actually happened fast considering our first face-to-face meeting in many months was just May 13th.

I thought I learned a lot over the past 5 months, but it turns out I am learning even more over the last 5 weeks. We have had a few obstacles come our way, as well as many conversations about the past, the present, and the future. We have been learning to navigate life more with a "we" mentality rather then a "you" or "me" mindset (although I am sure I am just discovering the tip of the iceberg on learning to be selfless). God has just given us a precious time to re-get-to-know one another under less stressful life situations. Although not without growing pains, it has been such a joy to be together and grow in our faith together. It is just amazing to see how God used our time apart to mold us into who He wanted us to be together. As Caleb says, "He just accelerated the growth!"

I am repeatedly amazed how good/kind/patient/prayerful/loving/considerate/calm/persistent/generous Caleb is to me and how such a great fit he is for me & I for him! There is SO MUCH GRACE in his life.

Turns out Caleb and I are sort of big nerds (BIG SUPRISE!) and don't have a "group" of people we both individually hang out with outside our small groups. We have a lot more one-on-one, long-term friendships (me more than Caleb). So, it's been weird who to know to bring around, and besides, we just like hanging out and do life together by ourselves too. All that to say, Caleb has only met two of the Kunnari Klan extended family. Well folks, he is about to dive in head first at a family wedding this weekend...all 60+ Kunnari's at once :) It will be fun! Plus I get to wear a new dress - whoo-hoo!!!!

So, if you like, you can be praying for God's clear direction and voice in our relationship, as well as our own individual lives as we move forward in His sovereign will.

Life Updates

It can finally be said: I have my first job as a Physician Assistant! My MIA blog status reflects the busyness of thoughts, interviews, negotiating, worrying (yes, I still struggle with worrying), praying, shadowing, talking with recruiters, talking with family, talking with other PAs, and talking with a few friends. It just turned into an all-consuming process. I couldn't analyze well enough; I couldn't account for all possible future plans well enough. I had to drag along offers until other ones were more solidified; I had to negotiate pay scales while shadowing at other clinics to really see if I would like it there. It was crazy- I probably ran 100 miles in my head. There were three job offers on the table:

1. An inner-city county clinic. 32 patient contact hours a week. wants me to work at least one week night or a saturday morning each week. schedule changes every 4 weeks. inner-city patients. family practice + urgent care (!). close to home. Pay is fair. mentored by lots of brilliant doctors. more chaotic but rewarding.
2. Outer-ring suburb private practice clinic. 36 patient contact hours + 1/2 day for adminstrative time (!). stable working schedule. working poor and middle class patients. probably not a diverse patient population, but lots of older patients with complex conditions. 25 minute drive. Pay is better with additional earning potential. small town clinic feel. great staff. calm environment
3. Minneapolis private practice. 40 patient contact hours. no admin time. stable schedule. no nights/weekends. 7 minutes from home. diverse patient population. pay is just OK but would be working within my own community.

Things culminated Thursday night while driving to talk one-on-one with a local clinic about the offer they were proposing. I just couldn't decide which pros were better than other pros and which cons were worse than other cons. The last complicating factor was that my ex-boyfriend and I had been pursuing conversations about getting back together, and that has been a lot of time. All-of-a-sudden I am trying to think about making job decisions based off that fact that we might even get married and what sort of job/location/hours/environment would be best for that. But, while driving the Lord just broke through and reminded me of my need for Him in all this. I mean, I had been praying about things, but probably moreso "thinking" rather than praying about them. I just prayed outloud in the car while driving on 494, "Lord, I need you. I SO need you. I cannot do this. I DON'T know how to make this decision. I don't know the future. I want to honor you, be consumed by you, live for you, worship you, trust you above all things. I confess my self-sufficiency and independence and pride trying to make this decision without more inquiry of your will. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness!"


After that, I met with the doctor, drove home, and decided to take a different job. The Lord just made it simple, "Kristie, you need a calm emvironement to work in. You need somewhere where it is easy to go to work and be at work because you have a lot of learning to do and potential changes coming up in your life this year. Trust me."

So, I chose option #2. It is calmer. I think the doctors will be good mentors. God will help me use the drive to meet Him in some way or I can catch up with a friend. I don't know what the future holds, but God does. We will give it a try. We walk by Faith, not by Sight.

distractions

Since i have been off school i have noticed I am more distracted or delayed in getting to my morning devotions. It's like the lack of schedule makes it easy to delay, or my decreased awareness of my need, or something. Whatever it is I don't like it. I want to hunger to be with the Lord and be eager to make it the first thing of the day. Doing this just gets things off to a good start!

So this morning, and just plain recently, the distraction was awaiting a job offer (counter-offer) to come over email or phone. I was trying to read, but I kept thinking about things. It might be because I am also reading jeremiah, which is a challenging book to read, and not super exciting or understandable. Nevertheless, the job offer did come through, and it was good. So, now I have to decide if I want to stick with this or risk waiting for HCMC to get back to me on an interview I had on Friday. They will let me know more by Friday, but I have to then delay the North St. Paul one until then. Oh goodness. It's hard to decide sometimes.

Anyhoo, that's what is distracting me these days.

Lord, help my mind to be wrapped up in you. Help my heart to trust you for all things, knowing that your sovereign will shall prevail. Help me to not covet earthly treasures and paying off my loans more than serving where you want me to serve. Help me to focus and be focused by your spirit. Help me to be productive in my time off and use it for your glory! Amen.

Parenting

Tonight I babysat for one of my most favorite families: the Cottrells! I love babysitting for their 4 kiddos because I have been with them for almost 4 years at our church and it is absolutely a joy to watch them grow up. Keaton wasn't even a sparkle in his parents eyes when I first met them, and now he is 2/nearly 2?!

Anyhoo, babysitting always reminds me of much I have to learn about parenting. How do you get a tired 4 yr old to eat their dinner? Do you treat them like their older siblings or how much grace do you extend? If they don't have a regenerate heart aka: aren't saved, then can I expect them to really be motivated by "obedience, which pleases God"? When are you tough, when are you compassionate and gracious, when do you give in, when do you discipline? How much attention do you give one child while there are 3 others there? When do you know if their tummy hearts or they are tired or crabby or just plain stubborn?

But, in spite of this scary reminder of my total ineptness at multi-child parenting, I am also reminded of how great it is to be with kids! We practiced rollerblading, and sharing our toys, and obeying the first time when asked, and using good manners, and talking kindly with one another. We also talked about how boys are "weird", but not totally weird because they are "helpful". We talked about how great it is to be a girl, in which one child pointed out girls got the plus of getting to have babies. They talked about all the things guys do to help us, including in full biblical style the words, "they get to lead us"...after which I reminded them that it is also their role to "follow"...it takes two to tango folks!

The night was not complete without a walk to the park up and down a number of hills (2 girls rollerblading, one little one pushing her babydoll in her stroller, and one kiddo in the stroller himself), fighting over who got to wear my rollerblading wrist guards and deciding who would push the button for the garage door opener, a duet/solo piano recital, coloring time, ice cream, song-singing-partial-movie-watching, and story-reading just as mom/dad were coming in the door. Ooops, they were 20 minutes late for bed! The night was topped off with a "speech" from the oldest daughter who told me in her speech she loved me, and then came over afterwards and said, "I really meant it; i love you." I even got some homemade artwork for my bedroom to prove it. Ahhh, the good life. I can't think of another way I would have wanted to spend my Friday night.